i don't care...care more than you'll ever know

"you're a mean girl....you're a bitch!"

you spread rumors of sex and betrayal...
you're everywhere i am...staring
you never win...because you try too hard...way too hard

stop trying and the crazy goes away
stop caring and the crazy goes away

but you can't stop...and everyone knows
no matter what you do... you always lose

you make me look better than i ever could on my own

i thought i was drama
but when i feel neurotic
i think of you
and feel sane again
___________________________________________________________________

D-Remember when he got so drunk that he made us go out into the snow with blow dryers and hammers and beat the ice off the steps???

M-Yes

D-It was crazy...why didn't you stop him?

M-(silence)

D-Remember when he chased me around the table, caught me by the hair and threw me up against the washing machine....you saw him do it...i saw you...you were there

M-(silence)

D-Why didn't you do anything???...SAY SOMETHING...SAY FUCKING SOMETHING?

M-(silence)

.........long pause..................

D-You were afraid too, weren't you?

M-(silence)

D- You're glad too aren't you????

M-Glad about what?

D-That he's dead
_______________________________________________________________

i love it when you do that...that thing...right there...you're doing it now
like you know i like it even though i've never told you
even though i've done everything in my power to make you think i could care less about you and the things you care about

go ahead and take her home...in front of me...i don't care... it kinda turns me on
because i know you will think of me
because i know you're just a nervous kid overwhelmed by fame and drunken sex
i know you see me...watch me...but you won't know i care...ever

selfish seems to work...i should have learned that by now

you won't effect me

and you won't know he stayed with me last night
and i kissed someone in the ocean the weekend before
and it was good and different and innocently orgasmic

and i didn't think about you
and you would hate it if you knew
hate it more than the power you feel taking her home in front of me

you will not hurt me...i will hurt you

__________________________________________________________________


you fought it 5 years ago and it almost killed you...almost killed me

so helpless in the hospital bed...big strong, American staple of what "man" looks like/acts like

and i held your hand thinking this may be the last time I see you

always thinking this will be the last time i see you

prolonged hugs and minute kisses on the check and foreheads

everytime...EVERYTIME i leave you...i weep

please do not go just yet...please hang on...for me...my kids...for the man that i chose

part of me will die when you are here no more

i'm not ready to die

because when you leave me...my only stable roots, the only stable man in my life... will disappear

and i might too

please hang on

don't go